yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize