When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
