dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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