We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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