sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just high enough for therapy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
