Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
