He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
