Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
