you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
