His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
