...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
