I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
