then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
accomplished twins. life is a go
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
