Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
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We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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