sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
