Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
