Someone shit on the floor
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
