Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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