For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
