its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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