I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
