Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
