Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
