I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
