Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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