You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
