Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
