He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
