Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
