Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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