oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
