We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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