Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
