Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
