so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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