I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
