dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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