Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
