I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
