She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
