The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Please don't give away my fajitas
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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