i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
