Swine flu. Run for my life!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
