He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
