You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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