This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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