my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
