I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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