the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
