I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
