pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
