I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
