highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
