i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
