i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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