Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
