I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
