Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
