Just mADE A PArabola og urine
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
