I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
