K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
