before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
