There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
