He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
